Reflections

As 2012 winds down and comes to a close, it's a good time for me, to reflect on all that happened. In doing so, I am reminded of all that I have to be thankful for, the lesson's learned, the things that I can build on and the things I can improve on. The memories that I cherish and the things that just need to be thrown away.

2012 was an interesting year, it had some really great highlighted moments and it also had some very hurtful and even confusing moments. But I think that it came to a head last night, as I was chatting with my husband. Sometimes I can get too busy, too involved in "stuff", that I tend to forget the real priorities in my life. And that would be, my relationship with my husband. David has been wonderful in supporting me in my quilting, tote bag making and horse time. He's also been there as my sounding board, when I was confused and frustrated with the forums that I was on. But by the end of the day, I had no energy and that translates into less good quality time, spent with him.

I started out this year, realizing that my quilting had taken on such dominance in my life. To that end, I committed myself to only signing up for "teaching" classes, and not classes that was about making a particular quilt. In the end, I pretty much kept my word on that. I only took one class on making a particular quilt and that was only because it was a quilt I was already planning on making. I also realized, that in order to reduce the stress around the holidays, that I would have to stop at a certain point, in making any more totes for the rest of the year. And this I've done. When I look back at this year, I made about 16 tote bags, all but two, were given away to cancer patients. I put together and finished many quilts. I can't remember off hand how many, but what I've learned this year was, how to be proud of myself, for actually finishing what I've started. :-) Plus, I've learned many new skills and see areas that need some more work.

Forums. After many evenings of being completely frustrated, hurt and even appalled... I came to realize that the drama and quirks, just wasn't worth tearing myself apart. David was sooooo patient as I muddled my way to that conclusion. I did end up walking away from one particular forum that had gotten so out of hand. And the other one... well, I'm weaning myself away from that one. I have decided that forum life isn't for me. It's not to say they are necessarily bad, because they're not. I've learned a great deal from other people. I would say, it's the "politics" involved. Or rather, the cliquishness of them that I don't like and have been hurt by. I feel like I've spent way too much of my time, sharing and responding, to mostly getting ignored in return. This is not good for me and so it was one of the best decisions that I've made, to choose to walk away. And I can't even begin to tell you, how much lighter my heart has been, since I did that. I will believe that "real" friendships will come my way, in time. And they will be relationships in which I feel respected in.

There was a bit of drama within the family as well, as my kids, now adults, find their way and establish their own priorities. I've had to learn to let them go and at the same time, to keep moving forward with my own life. For sooooo many years, especially when my own marriage was faltering, my kids were my life. I've now learned, that I am in charge of my life and it isn't all about them, but rather, the things that I enjoy. Things with the boys are getting better and for that, I am grateful. I did hear from my daughter a few months ago (Sept), but haven't heard anything since then. But at least she responded to my message. It's a start. It's tough to deal with her absence in our life, especially around the holidays and all of the b-days in our family. But I know in my heart, that she's not ready to be with us at this time. So I'm trying to be good with that and patient, as she sorts it all out.

But the one GREAT thing that happened this year is the birth of our first granddaughter. :-) Ah, what a blessing that has been, to watch her grow and learn. This Christmas will be very special indeed, spending it with our family and granddaughters.

As I've said, this has been an interesting year, full of ups and downs, good things and hurtful things. But I am walking away from this year, knowing that I have grown so much. And I'm becoming clearer of what I want for my life and what I don't and that is ALWAYS a good thing, isn't it?